Memories of the Rain
by monochromed
Summary: [Nejiten] He died without knowing her feelings. And now, she is suffering, crying the tears of a thousand years of pain because of a mistake she made: unable to tell him how she feels.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! If I did, I wouldn't have let Neji-kun fight with that awful Kidoumaru!

Author's Blabbering: I wrote this fic for that contest in Tensquared and I was really, really inspired by that song… Yubiwa of Maaya Sakamototo… I'm not good with tear-jerking fics so I'd have to say I'm still not good with this… Anyway, just kill me if you don't like it…

**Memories of the Rain**

_You better come back _or_ else!_

She sat by her window, watching the rain fall down from the slate gray skies. It was one of those gloomy, dark days again. Those days that remind her of the past. Of the incident that happened just three months ago. The incident that wrecked her life into shambles. Unconsciously, she wiped a lone tear that cascaded down her porcelain cheek.

The rain reminded her of _him_. It was also raining the day he left her then came back…

She smiled wryly, pressing her forehead against the cold glass. The heavens were crying with her. Crying _for_ her. Crying for her stupidity. Crying for her lameness. Crying for her pathetic self. Crying for her biggest mistake, the mistake she was regretting and was now paying with the ripping of her heart. Crying for her weakness…

_You better come back or else!_

She had told him that before he and his team went out of the village because of a mission. It was raining that day and she was holding up an umbrella for the both of them.

_You better come back or else!_

Those were the last words she had told him before he had left, the last words she had uttered and the last words he had heard from her. Those were the same words that haunt her every night, bringing tears in her eyes and pains in her heart. Those were the words she had used to hide the way she felt for him, the way she's _still_ feeling for him.

Why couldn't she be braver than Hinata, who had stuttered and stammered out her feelings for the young blond shinobi? Why couldn't she be like Sakura, who had proclaimed her devotion and love to Uchiha Sasuke, saying that she would follow him wherever he will go and would rather die in his hands? Why couldn't she be more like Ino who had fought her love for the shadow master, despite the odds against her? Why couldn't she be like them?

_You better come back or else!_

She had promised to become stronger the next time they meet again. Braver and definitely stronger. She had promised herself that. She had wanted to become stronger to prove to him she's not the child he's protecting all the time from danger and defending from any harm. That she can take care of herself and can look after him as well. That she can watch his back, protect him also like he had protected her. That she can finally tell him what she feels… Yes, next time.

But there was no 'next time' for them. He was gone, even before she could think of any words to say to him by the time he comes back. He was gone, even before she had realized his own feelings for her.

She had felt stupid, weak, blind and ignorant. The truth of his heart was glaring right in front of her and she failed to notice it. How much more stupid can she get? Why hadn't she notice the way his smirk would turn into a smile whenever he saw her? Why hadn't she notice the way his eyes soften at the sight her, grumbling and frowning at the third member of their team? And what about that gentle, loving smile he gave her before he left? How come she had never noticed it before? And here she was, angrily asking herself why _he_, gifted with the clearest and sharpest sight, could be blind towards her feelings!

But now, he is gone forever and never coming back. She never had the chance to tell him what she feels nor know what he feels for her. It was too late… And it was all her fault.

_Don't worry, I'll come back. I promise._

She remembered that night when he had come back. It was also raining hard that evening and she had rushed out to the gates without any protection from the weather when she had found out they were coming back. She had wanted to see him again. She had wanted to embrace him like she usually did when he comes back from his missions.

But she didn't find him like she usually did, haggard and exhausted but with an annoying smirk on his face. She found him cold, unresponsive, stiff… She found him lifeless.

_Your name was the last word he uttered. He wouldn't have gone on this mission if you had just told him._

Lee had told him that when she had broken down into tears, collapsing on the street, not caring if the rain was pounding even harder or that she might get sick. She didn't care about anything anymore ever since that night.

And then that's when she realized everything. _He wouldn't have gone on this mission if you had just told him. _He loved her the way she loved him. He knew the mission was dangerous and could cost him his life. He wouldn't have agreed on it if she had only stopped him. He was waiting for her to say something about the mission but instead, she even had the guts to threaten him if he didn't come back. And he didn't…

He had wanted to be with her but he must've thought that she didn't feel the same way as him. That what she only felt was platonic. Nothing more.

And for days and nights, she had cried. Cried over that stupid mistake she made that cost him his life. She had isolated herself from everyone, locking herself in her own solitude and grief. She hadn't even gone to his funeral. It was raining that day as well. She knew she would just be asked to speak something about him in front of everyone. She knew it would just bring back memories and tears in her eyes. It would just bring her pain again.

She would've stayed like that forever if Lee had not interfered, forcing his way through her door. She had shouted at him, said hurtful words, thrown several things but he continued to stand there, unfazed by any of her actions. His eyes, usually twinkling, were filled with pain and grief of losing a teammate and a friend, and the usual jovial smile on his face was replaced with a thin, grim line.

_Neji doesn't want you to do this to yourself, Tenten. He doesn't want to see you in pain and grief inflicted by his passing away. _

She had stopped the moment he said that, her brown eyes wide and inquiring. Lee was right, she realized, bursting into tears again. This time, tears of realization and comprehension.

She picked up her life once more where she left it and started all over again. This time, without him by her side. She knew it would be difficult and different but she didn't care. She had to continue living her life. After all, he wouldn't want to see her waste away.

She still cries over him once in a while, whenever the rain would fall or whenever she passes by their usual training grounds. He was probably scoffing at her right now, laughing arrogantly as she cried over some pathetic thing.

She glanced up at the sky. It stopped raining now and she could see rays of sunlight passing through the gray clouds, casting their warmth and shine on the world washed away by the rain. She smiled slightly at the lightening sky, seeing his face on the clouds with his usual smirk on his face.

"Next time we see each other again, Neji," she whispered lovingly, her fingers lightly touching the cool glass. "I'll be stronger."

Fate just didn't destine them to be together in this life. And so, she promised to become stronger for him and their love in the next life, when they meet each other once again.

_Even if something lapses away, _

_Something will live once again._

_When you gave me a smile as we parted,_

_It was your message for me,_

_To truly live with all my heart._

* * *

The last stanza is one translated verse in Yubiwa… I translated it! Anyway, review, guys!


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